Distinguishing Soul Betrayals from Emotional Wounds
Unfortunately, at some point in life everyone experiences pain from being emotionally wounded. This is a pain inflicted by someone you love who has hurt your feelings. Emotional wounds are wounds that happen within the best of our relationships. These wounds are painful but not as harmful as soul betrayals. Why? Soul betrayals are unlike emotional wounds because they cut to the core of who you are and who you are trying to become. Soul betrayers cause you to doubt your value and undermine your confidence. They deliberately attack the things you are good at and anything that brings you joy.
When you experience the devastation of a soul betrayal it is more painful and lasting then being emotionally wounded. The depth that the betrayal slices into your soul is to the degree that your betrayer was supposed to be the one person whom you thought your feelings really mattered. Frequently it is even someone you would name as being the one person most incapable of betraying your soul. Soul betrayers build a foundation of trust with you so you will be caught off guard and so that your friends and family doubt you. Of course they knew to win your allies
over so you would be disbelieved. This explains why you are in shock when you first learn they are slandering you. You would never have guessed this person was capable of such betrayals so you are stunned when they begin surfacing. As your shock begins wearing off you discover they have been going underground to influence others especially anyone supportive of you.
Remember the reason you never suspected this was occurring is not because of stupidity, it is because you were led to believe by them that they are trustworthy. Upon hearing they’ve been slandering your character is when you are just putting the pieces of the puzzle together. You cannot see the whole picture yet, but you will see it. This is when you really begin to feel the pain setting into your soul. Now you have enough puzzle pieces to be able to conceive their betrayals are really happening.
At some point you will learn the part you played in keeping the betrayal cycle going. It is excruciating at first to have to learn these truths about them as well as about yourself. However it is by learning these truths that you will be set free.
Another distinction to help you determine whether your pain is a soul betrayal or an emotional wound is the level of pain you feel. When someone emotionally wounds you it feels like they stepped on your soul wearing heavy boots, maybe even with cleats. Whereas soul betrayal wounds cause your soul to feel nonexistent, your feelings do not even matter to them. This is what makes betrayal wounds insidious.
Because If you even dare confront a soul betrayer about anything they have done to you, their responses will be very different from someone who has emotionally hurt you. Soul Betrayers typically respond by accepting no responsibility since they blame you for whatever problems you bring to their attention. They emote so over the top when you do bring anything to their attention that the focus becomes centered on their pain instead of on how they harmed you. Notice how a soul betrayers’ response leaves your thoughts and feelings completely out of the equation.
Whereas when you have been emotionally wounded and bring it to their attention you feel heard, even if misunderstood.Emotional wonders want to understand to prevent hurting you again. Therefore with someone who emotionally wounds you, it is possible to discuss your feelings and reach resolutions.
Go gently on yourself because it may take time before you can truly recognize the puzzle pieces coming together. It is like your brain has to re wire its paths to comprehend that this person is far from who you thought they were. Once you do get the picture you will be able to envision their harming of you as legitimate. This is when you are ready to respond differently to the commonly used strategies and defenses.
Lets take one strategy commonly used by betrayers as an example. Whenever you have approached them about how they have hurt you, they become confused. Their confusion serves them so they can behave as if they have no idea what you are talking about. Also they are very good at mixing into your discussions their feelings of sadness and disappointments, as well as how hard their life is. Their life probably is difficult because soul betrayers believe their hardships are always someone else’s fault. So with this wrong belief embedded in their mind they cannot emotionally hear you to make authentic changes. In the beginning it can be tricky to determine their authenticity.
his occurs if the betrayer still wants relationship with you because they can feign forgiveness. This is why it is important to observe their actions over time never trusting in just their words. Wait and watch for their changes instead having more talks/debates with them. Talking with them will only provide them with more power to wear you down.
Lets say you let them know you are unsure about whether they are being authentic or not. A typically used response would be, how do you have the audacity to doubt the genuineness of my apology? The point is they become enraged that you would ever doubt them. At this point you are still vulnerable so don’t misinterpret their emotional intensity as genuine concern for the relationship. Their words are meant to deceive and convince you that whatever you think or feel is wrong. In fact they will tell you how much you really do matter to them. This debate cycle will continue between you both as long as you both allow it. The debate cycle will end when one of you break it. And you have to initiate the break because the talks that drain you actually cause them to thrive.
Breaking this cycle will be the beginning of breaking free. Your first taste of freedom comes when the betrayer is unable to suck you into participating into relentlessly long conversations. You are no longer willing to be a participant in their vortex of confusion by deceiving yourself into believing this is connecting with them. You are unwilling to have endless dialogues misconstrued by them as making progress. Your tolerance level for their relational pain goes way down as your desperation to make the relationship work decreases. Then one day you will know that you are done. How? Because nothing they say will be perceived by you as a carrot dangling in front of your eyes, as HOPE. You recognize it is hopeless. At first it feels like death but out of this feeling of death you will gain your life.