I want to blog on some thoughts by C.S. Lewis from his book, The Problem with Pain. Looking at this first segment I saw some things about soul connections. Lewis speaks about how we were created with bodies that have an inside and out side to our beings.
We can connect with another through our emotions which comprise our insides and we connect via our bodies and facial expressions which involves our outsides. This sounds like a great way to connect with people, especially with those you deeply love. Right?
counseling sarasotaWell, yeah, except for the universal dilemma we all experience when we actually attempt these connections. The dilemma of the connections we make with others is that they either do not last, and even in some cases the connections we desired within the relationship are merely fleeting.
How do we go about pursuing relationships with people when we know we will only be eventually disappointed?
Perhaps it is time we change our expectations towards what we need in a relationship. I am not suggesting that we take cruelty from anyone. I am talking about examples like the following.
Have you ever heard some incredible news or had an awesome insight? Sure you have. So, you go filled with excitement to share it with someone whose soul matters a lot to you. You begin to notice as you are sharing your news that their facial expressions ,or their lack of response is signifying your words are merely noise to their ears. It is in moments like those that the hurt in your heart is felt. The connection I had hoped for,did not happen. At those moments we tend to either consciously or unconsciously protect ourselves from the pain that is being felt.
But… what are other options?
If I shut my heart down, I will be doing to others what I am trying to protect myself from when they hurt my feelings. I do not want to live like that, so what else can be done?
I know I do not want to have too high of expectations, and I know I do not want to take too much off of others. Lewis discusses how we are not meant to have seamless connections with anyone. This is not to say that we are incapable of having meaningful and close relationships.
It just means that even our best relationships will be painful,extremely painful.
Why? because no one is ever going to come through for us,as we need them to. Lewis reminds us that the holes in our hearts from being hurt,rejected, or betrayed, are actually opportunities. Opportunities for what?
Well, opportunities that do NOT ignore or dismiss our pain. Rather allowing our pain to be God’s megaphone calling us to, “Come unto Me”.
A place where you are always heard and matter. This keeps our perspectives clear when we are failed. It helps me to stay open and vulnerable even when the risks are great that I might get hurt,again. I walk away from the hurtful interaction and go tell God about it.
And,what ends up happening? I get closer with God ,and as my heart is filled, I have the energy and desire to go back to my relationships with out having to shut down to defend my heart. What do you do when others hurt you or fail you?
However, remember I am NOT speaking about people bent on harming you. I am talking about the typical hurts that come from being in a close relationship. It is incredibly freeing to know that the hurt I am experiencing in my relationships is not to be avoided or alleviated through counseling, seminars,books, etc…
It is part of the journey. In our best of best relationships, we will feel this void or lack of connectives between our souls. Let me know your thoughts, questions or comments!
Next blog we will discuss more specifically; what does it look like to love without being a doormat, and without closing the door to your heart. Take care and have a wonderful week loving and being loved!